Perception Problems
I have had a two topics rolling about in my brain for the last few months, and I now feel like there's enough substance behind them to share. I've been learning so much this summer about perception and fear. Honesty alert: This is me being completely transparent, so be prepared to get real for a few minutes.
Perception is a way of regarding, understanding or interpreting something; a mental impression. It is the act of careful observation, of watching and listening. We pay close attention to someone or something in order to get information. This summer I have been learning that perception can be both good and bad, but either way it has a profound effect on my life.
I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "Sports are 90% mental and 10% physical." We often let our minds dictate what we have the ability to accomplish, even if we are capable of so much more. We pay close attention to how other people view us and base our lives what they think we're capable of. I have found myself so wrapped up in how other people perceive me or my abilities, I completely forget that those people aren't me. They can't dictate my outcomes. How they perceive me has nothing to do with me.
I love sports movies (shocking I know), and I recently watched Invincible. The movie is based on the story of Vince Papale, a 30 year old bartender from South Philadelphia who overcame long odds to play for the NFL's Philadelphia Eagles in 1976. Vince was struggling in life. His wife left him, he was out of work and no one expected him to succeed at anything. His wife left him a note that read, "You'll never go anywhere, you'll never make any money, and you'll never make a name for yourself." He could have let her perception of his life dictate his future, but he was driven to prove her and everyone who doubted his abilities wrong. He knew he was capable of so much more than they believed.
Sometimes we don't even have to hear a negative perception; we let our imaginations do the work. During training, I have found myself thinking of my abilities through the eyes of my competition. My mind says, "They are way better than you are. They're faster and stronger. They have more experience. They must look at my efforts to become like them and laugh." Now, I have not talked to these people. I have no idea what they are thinking. In fact, they probably aren't even thinking of me at all, but I am doing all this thinking for them in my mind. My perception of myself as some puny girl with no shot at success is not reality, it's probably not even what they think of me. It's all in my head. If I continue to think like that, I am letting my competition beat me before we ever face each other because I have already limited myself and my abilities. If I allow myself to think like that, I won't train as hard, and I will never reach my goals because I won't believe I can attain them. Thinking like that will put a ceiling on my dreams, will never allow me the freedom to train harder, push farther and reach for more than I'm currently capable of.
I love sports movies (shocking I know), and I recently watched Invincible. The movie is based on the story of Vince Papale, a 30 year old bartender from South Philadelphia who overcame long odds to play for the NFL's Philadelphia Eagles in 1976. Vince was struggling in life. His wife left him, he was out of work and no one expected him to succeed at anything. His wife left him a note that read, "You'll never go anywhere, you'll never make any money, and you'll never make a name for yourself." He could have let her perception of his life dictate his future, but he was driven to prove her and everyone who doubted his abilities wrong. He knew he was capable of so much more than they believed.
Sometimes we don't even have to hear a negative perception; we let our imaginations do the work. During training, I have found myself thinking of my abilities through the eyes of my competition. My mind says, "They are way better than you are. They're faster and stronger. They have more experience. They must look at my efforts to become like them and laugh." Now, I have not talked to these people. I have no idea what they are thinking. In fact, they probably aren't even thinking of me at all, but I am doing all this thinking for them in my mind. My perception of myself as some puny girl with no shot at success is not reality, it's probably not even what they think of me. It's all in my head. If I continue to think like that, I am letting my competition beat me before we ever face each other because I have already limited myself and my abilities. If I allow myself to think like that, I won't train as hard, and I will never reach my goals because I won't believe I can attain them. Thinking like that will put a ceiling on my dreams, will never allow me the freedom to train harder, push farther and reach for more than I'm currently capable of.
That's where my learning about fear has come into play. Fear often paralyzes us, freezes us into inaction. We stop dreaming, stop reaching, stop growing, stop risking, stop loving, stop living. We often fear failure in life, failure at life. Fear of failure has often kept me chained in one place for far too long. The fear of looking or sounding stupid and then being dismissed or perceived as inadequate. Author Stasi Eldredge puts it so well.
"It [fear] reshapes our inner reality until we bear no resemblance to the dream that is us, to who we really are. And our lives bear no resemblance to the lives we are meant to be living. Fear robs us of our very selves."
We have to chose life over fear. Making the choice is the key part of this scenario. Trust me, I'm working on this right along with you. We often resort to control when we're afraid. If we can just control all the factors, the situation doesn't seem so scary. Reality check. You can't control everything. Of course dreams are going to be scary. They're in unknown territory, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue them. Dreams take seed in us in the most unexpected moments. They often seem impossible to achieve. That alone is what makes them dreams. When you are faced with a new situation that you feel completely overwhelmed by, you must step outside of our comfort zone and choose life over the fear. Tip toe if you must, but take the first step. This quote has become a motto for me this summer:
One of those "check your fear at the door and move forward" situations happened for me this summer. I have been playing sports most of my life, but I have never considered myself a runner. (First perception problem. I'm learning I'm a decent sprinter.) I only joined the track team in high school once the coach agreed to my stipulation of not having to run. I would jog my two warm up laps and head off to the throwing rings. As a result, I have never had a sprint coach. This summer, I felt like I needed to make a change in my training regiment to really see improvements. After searching the internet, I found Coach Johnson. He was a 800m semifinalist in the 2004 Atlanta Olympics; he is an NCAA and Olympic Trials champion, and he gives private coaching lessons in this area.
We exchanged a few emails and set up a time to meet at a local track. I was excited to learn from someone who had mastered their field, but I was also really nervous. It seems so silly looking back on it now. It was just a workout, like any of the thousands of workouts I've been through in my life, but I was very nervous for that first meeting. It was a new situation, and I wasn't sure I would measure up to his standards. (Second perception problem. Coaches know you need help. That's why you hire them. They just want to see you putting forth the effort to get better.) I showed up on a sunny Saturday morning in April, and I was the only white person at the track, which meant I was going to get smoked by everybody. Nevermind that it was a private coaching session, and I wouldn't actually be racing anyone. (Third perception problem. In my mind, white girls are not that fast. You rarely see white girls in the finals of the short distance sprints at the Olympics. My bobsled teammates have reinforced this perception in my mind. Especially my girls Cherrelle and Tracey. They make being fast look so effortless.)
We exchanged a few emails and set up a time to meet at a local track. I was excited to learn from someone who had mastered their field, but I was also really nervous. It seems so silly looking back on it now. It was just a workout, like any of the thousands of workouts I've been through in my life, but I was very nervous for that first meeting. It was a new situation, and I wasn't sure I would measure up to his standards. (Second perception problem. Coaches know you need help. That's why you hire them. They just want to see you putting forth the effort to get better.) I showed up on a sunny Saturday morning in April, and I was the only white person at the track, which meant I was going to get smoked by everybody. Nevermind that it was a private coaching session, and I wouldn't actually be racing anyone. (Third perception problem. In my mind, white girls are not that fast. You rarely see white girls in the finals of the short distance sprints at the Olympics. My bobsled teammates have reinforced this perception in my mind. Especially my girls Cherrelle and Tracey. They make being fast look so effortless.)
I have no idea was Coach Johnson was thinking when I walked up. I'm a tall white girl who is considered obese by track standards. I definitely stood out among all the other runners and track club kids. We made our introductions and talked about my goals, then we started the workout. The sessions are about an hour long, and they always start with a mile warm-up run. A mile! As previously stated, I'm not particularly fond of running. Now this guy wants me to run a mile on my toes (you are not allowed to let you heels touch the ground) as a warm-up?! You must be crazy! One of Coach Johnson's philosophies is that conditioning is a big part of being an all around athlete. (On a side note, I've dropped almost 2 minutes off my mile time from that first day. I'm very proud of my 8 minute mile.)
So I started plodding along while he stood back and watched. After completing my first lap, he made some critiques to how I was holding my hands and shoulders. Next lap he critiqued my arm swing. He had something for every lap. Just finishing the warm up was tough because of all the critiques. I wanted to be already be perfect, but alas, I was definitely not perfect. We moved on to simple track warm-up exercises and ladder drills, and I wasn't perfect at those either. I was already so frustrated with myself, I wanted to cry. Ridiculous, I know, but it was true. During a water break, I had to make myself take a deep breath and calm down. I had to recite all the reasons I was there and why I needed a coach. You're not perfect, and you need someone to point out your problem areas and help you fix them. It's not easy to take correction in any area of life, but it's necessary for growth.
At the end of the session, I ran 45m to get a baseline time we would use to see how much I improved over the summer. The time was pretty typical for me, nothing terrible, but nothing great. I was so frustrated with myself that I almost missed the best part of my session. After seeing all I did that day, Coach Johnson was excited to train me. Excited?! I just struggled my way through a workout, and he's excited? What?! He has been training athletes for awhile, and he saw great potential in me. He told me I was a sprinter. I was already strong; we just needed to work on my mechanics. He could see the possibilities when I couldn't.
That leads me to the very positive side of perception that I've encountered this summer. That moment when someone sees more in you than you can see in yourself. Having people like that in your life is so important. Their perception of you is radically different than your own. They see the possibilities; they see what you are capable of becoming. They plant the seed of hope in you that everything you've dreamed is still possible. Their faith in your abilities pushes you to work harder and reach farther simply because they believe in you. Coach Johnson has been one of those people for me this summer. If you're only shooting for what you know is possible, you're dream isn't big enough. He doesn't let me do anything half-way, always pushing my limits because he knows where we need to go and what we need to do to get there. For instance, I wanted to film this Hurdle Core Circuit after practice just to post on Instagram, and he made me go back the other way just to finish the set. Thanks for making me better Coach! I have seen so much improvement since we started training. I am thankful for his encouragement, his tough workouts, his endless explanations to my "why" questions and his dedication to my success.
During my first sprint session with Coach Johnson, he taught me about my hands. I was clenching my fists, so my arms could not relax, couldn't move through their full range of motion. My hands can't be clenched or splayed open. The fastest sprinters learn to keep their hands and arms relaxed and under control. He really taught me a life lesson that day. You can't hold on too tightly or push things away. You can't go rigid and resist change. You can't hold on to all the control and try to muscle through on your own. You must learn to relax and take things as they come. Trust in who you are and your capabilities. Trust that God made you the person you are supposed to be and he has a plan just for you. If you want to win your race, run at the pace God has set for you on the course He designed; relax and trust God to be in control.
A couple new faces at Zoom have really encouraged me as well. Alexis is a high school senior. She is planning to play soccer in college, and her sunny personality always brightens my day. We work out together several days a week, and we're always cheering each other on to finish those brutal treadmill workouts. One day she said to me, "You make everything look so easy." Let me assure you, most of what I do is not easy for me. I have worked very hard to become the athlete I am, but I am regularly starfished out on the floor with sweat running in my eyes wheezing for air during a treadmill workout or straining to finish a set of squats (proof). I feel like I'm struggling a good portion of the time, but that's not what she sees. She looks up to me, and I was humbled to know I am a role model in her life. (Her comment was about my Super Mario Bros Jumps. When I did these for the first time 2 years ago, they didn't look anything like this. I barely made it off the ground back then. You'll get to this level someday Alexis!)
Another person who has helped me this summer is Nico, one of the summer intern trainers at Zoom. I had a treadmill workout on the new interns first day, and you would have thought he and Collin had never seen a girl run before. I felt like a goldfish with people pressing their faces up to the bowl to get a closer look. They stood close to the treadmill and peppered me with questions, which I was happy to answer when I could breath. Over the last few months, Nico has really pushed me to work harder. He's always badgering me to add more weight or turn up the speed. He often challenges me to more than I think I'm capable of. On several occasions, I've surprised us both when I actually complete a challenge neither one of us thought I could complete. Doing planks and push ups on the med balls was one such challenge: MB Planks and MB Pushups. Nico is the one sitting on the floor yelling in front of me yelling, "Fight!". I'll miss his wagers and encouragement when he goes back to school.
This summer I'm learning that perception and fear can freeze you in your tracks or you can choose to believe the best in yourself (even when you don't see it yet) and stretch for what seems impossible. It takes time and effort to get better at anything in life. Don't quit because you haven't reached your goals yet. Don't be afraid to just be you, to ignore the input coming in from every direction, real or imagined. Surround yourself with people who have a positive perception of you and believe what they see in you when you're struggling. Most importantly, you have to believe that you're capable of accomplishing your dreams and take the first step.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson